Your Olympic Poker Table
by Luckbox
I'll admit it... I'm a sucker for the Olympics. I'm a red-blooded American who loves watching the USA beat up on other countries. That means I especially enjoy sports like softball, where the rest of the world doesn't have a chance. No wonder the International Olympic Committee voted to get rid of it (Commie terrorist bastards!). But I digress...
Whenever an event rolls around, I start to wonder who among those involved might make for a good poker table. Let's look at the choices:
Michael Phelps
He's far and away the biggest name in the Olympics right now. He's already won 5 gold medals in the pool this year and a record 11 in his career. His goal is to win eight in 2008, setting a new standard there as well. Oh... and he's got a slew of world records next to his name as well. He's money in the bank and no one else is even close.
Verdict?
Not a chance. Someone who wins that consistently and in that dominant a fashion can find himself another table.
Alicia Sacramone
She's the U.S. gymnastics team captain although she's, at best, third best on the team. And when the team needed her the most, she fell... twice. I suggested that perhaps she was better suited for Canadian citizenship.
Verdict?
Anyone who reacts that way to pressure is welcome to sit at my table any time!
Kobe Bryant
Some say he's the best basketball player in the world. I'm not one of them (put me in the LeBron camp). Still, being the second best player in the world isn't all bad. Thankfully, this team is a little closer to the Dream Team than they are to the disappointing teams of the last few Olympics.
Verdict?
The guy's been pretty clutch in his career, but I know how to throw him off his game. I'll just bring up Shaq and the rape charges in Colorado. Oh... and he's rolling in the dough so he probably won't care about the stakes we're playing.
Stephanie Rice
She's Australia's swimming queen and a big hit in the Aussie tabloids. She also has three gold medals and three world records so far in '08. She's a winner in the mold of Michael Phelps, but looks much better in a swimsuit.
Verdict?
Phelps got tossed because he never loses. I'm not willing to do the same with Rice. Have you seen her? She's in.
Hamid Soryan Reihanpour
He's the defending world champion in Greco-Roman Wrestling at the 121 lbs. weight class. And he's Iranian.
Verdict?
One crack about them "terrorists" and he'll crush me with his bare hands. No thanks. I don't care how bad of a player he might be.
Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor
This beach volleyball team hasn't lost a match in something like ten years (101 matches in 18 tournaments). And you thought Michael Phelps and the women's softball team were good? And being a bit of a dabbler in volleyball myself, I'm a big fan of this duo.
Verdict?
Sorry, they're out. I know Drizz will be disappointed, but it's not like they'd be wearing their bikinis! They'd just make me feel bad about not being as good in volleyball, and they'd likely take my money.
Chris Estrada
This guy is from my old haunting ground down in Leezy-anna. He's also America's first Olympic representative in that ancient sport of Trampoline. That's right... as the Olympics get ready to dump sports like baseball and softball, they're showcasing that world-wide craze of trampoline. Just more reason to look down on the rest of the world.
Verdict?
He's in. Look... he jumps on a trampoline as an Olympic sport. I just can't be intimidated by a guy who's sport is performed by spoiled 7-year olds in suburban back yards. I'm also about a foot taller than him, so I've got that going for me. And according to his Olympic profile, "In 2001, Estrada walked away from the sport. He had a mental block that prevented him from twisting on forward flipping skills." Mental blocks? Oh yeah,
you're in!
