Ouch.

I know how that basic scenario feels. I was in college with a dormitory setup of two guys in one room connected by the bathroom to two guys in a second room. Got to know the pint sized country bumpkin in the other room, used his truck at times, and threw back a bunch of beers.

All before he apparently became comfortable enough to drop a bomb on me one lazy NFL Sunday.

While talking about quarterbacks in the NFL he went off on a crazy tangent about "ni**ers" being too stupid to ever play quarterback.

Every attempt at countering his argument with common sense or evidence got him more riled up and brought out more and more ridiculously racist statements and rants.

I had to stop hanging around him and I don't think he ever realized why. He probably just thought I was always too busy to hang out.

It seems unlikely that you're going to convince a grown man, who has probably embraced this prejudice his whole life, to change his opinion. That kind of racism is usually so deeply ingrained that it won't just evolve over the course of a few conversations.

As for what you should do about it -- well, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

You know how to be a good person, and relate to others the same way, regardless of race. You have already asked yourself 'how profitable is this relationship' as it relates to your life, your friendship, your soul, and your wallet. He wouldn't be asked to my thanksgiving dinner either, but I would still enjoy a game in a card club with anyone at the table. All you can do is set a good example.

You definitely will not be able to change a grown man's opinion by talking to him but either will you by shunning him. We all have character flaws. If you enjoy this person in every other regard, simply let him know that you will not tolerate racist talk, jokes, etc. but that you still wish to be friendly.

That reminds me... Melrose Gulfman was never the same after the topless girl busted out the n-word.

This also makes me think of someone in my extended family who I consider to be a complete and offensive racist. Changing him is impossible. My only hope is that his beliefs didn't get passed on to the next generation.

G-rob your post reminds me of the classic Monte Python routine about hating intolerant people (and the French). The neighbor also sounds like a sexist. Is that more tolerable?

I think there are two kinds of people.
1) Prejudice people who work to overcome their predispositions.
2) Prejudice people who don't.

Having grown up in a place that was very racially divided and having been in the minority (and treated as such) I would urge you not to judge someone by one misguided opinion. A person is a much greater entity than one opinion that they hold. It doesn't mean that you have to agree, condone, or have to tolerate racist comments. It means that you can agree to disagree. If he values you as a friend he will moderate his actions and comments while you are around because you will not tolerate them. You can't keep him from holding them, but you can hope to change them by being a good example, seeking to understand why he holds such views, and explaining your own. No one is perfect.

Tough, and great post about it. I guess I'd ask myself if I wanted my children around that person or making friends with people like that. So I'd have to set an example myself.

My one question, and an opinion opposite from the one I've just expressed, is does being intolerant like he is also mean extending the intolerance of his views so you aren't around him?

I guess if he keeps that talk up, you can tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable, and if he keeps it up after you've told him, to me that's rude and combative, and nobody is worth that. If he learns and keeps his views to himself, than he's considerate of your friendship.

Very insightful post, and meaningful. Not a waste of time at all. I grew up with a terribly racist father and have been fortunate enough to change his thoughts. Married a woman of color very early in life and most recently married to a Chinese woman. Difficult for him to take at first, but I feel he learned through closer contact.

You can't fight ignorance in any event. Best of luck with your work-out parnter.

First of all, I completely relate to your despising of many poker players in casinos and underground games. I've felt it. I've written abvout it. For me, it just makes it easier to want their money.

As for the neighbor, I've discovered in many of my friends, even some of those I've known for decades, characteristics that I don't agree with. If the guy was commiting hate crimes and you found out, that would be one thing. But it seems that he just has some opinions that most of us find appalling these days. Perhaps you guys found each other for a reason. Perhaps your role in his life is, without trying too hard, to help him with this little problem. But if you ever find a noose in his truck, I'd get the hell out, lol.

I've spent my life subscribing to this view: Only white people will change other white people's attitudes about matters of race. I've had to make a corollary to this policy since Obama came along since he is clearly having a tremendous influence on white people, as did Martin Luther King and a few others. But, by and large, it's white people talking with other white people who cause them to decide to buy a Prius instead of a Saturn, cut their hair shorter, wear a gold ear stud, etc. We learn from those we trust. If your friend trusts you, don't be selfish and throw that away. Do someting for all of us and make an effort to do your bit by throwing in some positive comments about Blacks, etc. You may not see a change but, trust me, you will have a better chance of changing him than somebody he knows only via TV or the Internet.