Getting Stuck On Purpose
by Otis
The bar was just about to get loud. The G-Spot is one of those places that is a comfortable watering hole until the band starts up. Then it gets loud and it's hard to hear each other talk. I was with BadBlood and my buddy, T. We were talking marriage and family. For the 30-40 married man, it's one of the most important discussions to have with your like-minded friends.
It was during this discussion that I had an odd poker epiphany.
I think I get stuck on purpose.
I'm not fully in tune with this topic yet. I'm not even sure where I'm going with it. I can only sum up the general premise. Then, perhaps at a later date, I'll be able to fully explain what I mean.
Of course, I don't want to get stuck. I don't want to have to play from behind. I don't ever want to lose.
However, in dealing with my wife, I often start off by acting badly. Whether I am being selfish, lazy, or otherwise manish, I tend to not act in a way I know my wife wants. After doing this for a given amount of time, I realize I'm not acting in a winning manner and starting acting--in earnest--the way I know I should behave around my wife. It usually takes twice as long to make nice-nice as it takes to make her mad. Had I just acted right in the beginning, life would've been better all around.
The same, it seems, goes with poker. I begin many sessions by playing loose, aggressive poker. I may not be playing badly, per se, but I am not playing my usual game. When we play a game that is not our "A" game, we aren't playing optimally. As such, I begin many (if not most) sessions by getting stuck a little, or, more recently, a lot. Then, I spend the rest of the session getting even. Since it is possible for me to get even and sometimes actually recover enough to make a profit, I have to assume that I have the ability to play the game at that level. It's just a matter of convincing myself to play the right way.
So, I'm not getting stuck on purpose in either case. In reality, I think there is a selfish gambler in me that wants to see how much I can get by with. Can I play poker six nights a week with setting off the bad marriage-o-meter? Can I check-raise with second pair and get my opponent to fold? In most cases, the answer is no on both counts. And yet, I try.
There is a reason why good people can get divorced. There is a reason why good players can lose. I am fortunate that my marriage is solid and I am always improving my married man behavior. I'm learning that it's better to give up some of the selfish things I enjoy for the relative tranquliity of not having to dig out of a hole.
Now, I need to teach myself to do the same in poker.
That is, the game starts when I sit down. Not when I'm stuck.
I've pushed that "line" before and found that if I give a little in one area of the marriage, I get back the things that I want.
No hidden sexual puns in there, well kinda, maybe.
But the fact is if you do the little things around the house/in the marriage with a good woman (like Mrs. Otis) you'll find a recipicating deed (letting you play poker without guilt).
My wife hardly peeps about my poker playing since I've been more active in taking care of the kids and the house. I guess we both get what we want.
I've come to the conclusion that in terms of interacting with my wife, Its best to keep a nice even balance of doing nice things and doing wrong things. Not because I like being in her crosshairs all the time but more because there's a greater sense of control over the situation. When she's happy I know it's because I've been a good husband, when she's mad I know it's because she found out about one of the times I was being bad. From a relationship I concider this expectation setting activities. Doing more of one than the other sets up an unsustainable expectation for behavior and in the case of being bad, that's most undesirable, and in the case of being good all the time... well that makes slipping into badness twice as bad. Equillibrium, that's the name of the game.
Now, as this relates to poker, I use to be fairly loose and agressive when I would first sit down to play for a lot of the same reasons, I thought it was the best way to see what I could do and how the other players would respond to my plays. The problem was that the reads I was getting from the players were based off a style of play I wouldn't be able to sustain over the long run. I've since reverted to a level of equillibrium that starts with tight-agressive play that not only usually prevents me from getting stuck early but gives me time to observe the table and figure out who I want to play against and how. As time goes on I tend to loosen up and make more loose agressive plays that I feel I can get away with. However this has lead me to the place where I'm currently stuck and that is trying to figure out / remember when enough players at the table change that my play-style needs to roll back to a tight style because I end up overplaying some hands because I missed that subtle shift and end up creating the wrong image of myself to the table and then I become stuck (all of this determined after the fact, I'm working on acknowledging it and making adjustments during).
