An Oregon woman named Christine Jaeger was taking a drug called Mirapex for her "restless leg syndrome." I'm not sure whether she was taking anything for "unkempt hair syndrome" or "sometimes feels a bit grumpy syndrome" but the restless legs were enough for a trip to the doctor.

Ms. Jaeger was a bookkeeper for a small business and started writing checks to herself. Then she'd cash those checks and head for, and lose at, the Spirit Mountain Casino.

Now here's where Mirapex comes in.

Check out this warning from the drugs manufacturers, "increased gambling, sexual or other intense urges." Methinks you may already see Ms. Jaeger's line of defense forming.

The judge in this case, unmoved by the terrifying precedent (if we can excuse a defendant's actions because a drug causes "gambling urges," I shudder to think what the "other intense urges" might explain) has now ruled in Ms. Jaeger's favor.

Here's her reasoning according to the website OregonLive, "The substances she was ingesting diminished her mental capacity in some fashion," Judge Steele said. "The breach of trust and multiple criminal episodes can all be laid to the drug issue."

See? I'm not a gambler. The drugs made me do it!

I don't have "restless leg syndrome" (although I'm sure I can fake it) but I'm now considering getting my own prescription for Mirapex.

Honey, I didn't take $10K to Vegas, Mirapex did.

See you at the tables...

THE IDIOTS AT THE BENCH

After a quick warmup we always start with a few sets on the bench press. I went first, then my friend, then we switched up for another set.

Next to us is another bench where three men in their thirties were also trading sets. They were talking about a card game the night before. I loved every word.

"I had the Ace-high straight," said the angry one, "and some idiot makes quad 10s on the river!"

"That guy's an idiot!" said his incredulous friend.

"I mean, there is a 1 in 100 chance of that happening," continued Mr. Angry, "I win that hand 99 times."

I couldn't resist interrupting.

"Did the idiot have a set or trips? And if he had trips, weren't you at all concerned about your straight on a paired board?" I asked.

"Naw," said angry, "This guy doesn't know how to play."

I let it go but suddenly wanted very badly to work an invite to their table.

Later as my neighbor and I worked a few sets at something else, the same three people were still talking nonsense. I interjected and told them I like to play cards, my name is G-Rob, we should play sometime.

I hope to make money from them.

These people are my most profitable demo, perfect strangers. People I've played with for years have made good and proper adjustments to my strongest game, forcing me to make adjustments of my own. I dominate people who don't know me at all.

THE DRIVE HOME

So after our workout my neighbor and I climb into his truck and head back home. In fact, I was in the middle of telling him about why I talked to the poker nitwits we'd met, when someone cut us off.

It was a woman in an older model Honda Civic.

"Damned woman drivers!" he yelled.

"Yeah," I muttered back.

"Only thing worse than women drivers is the blacks," he continued.

The car kept going. My mind came to a screeching halt. All I could muster from this person I thought I knew was, "I don't know about that..."

"Look," he said, now leaning over the wheel he was gripping with both hands, "this isn't easy to say and I know it's going to sound bad... but I'm a racist."

How in the hell does a decent man react to a statement like that?

I simply said, "I'm not."

The next day, Thursday, this same neighbor called to ask if we were still going to the gym. My answer to him is the heart of this post.

The Poker People You Meet

I've made some very close, hopefully lifelong friends at the poker table. I first met Badblood while playing in Otis' garage.

I met TheMark and his brother Gucci Rick the same way. Honestly, I could spend the next 400 words listing the names of good honest people I've met, and who's company I've enjoyed. People who I otherwise wouldn't know without poker or this poker blog.

Still, the number of complete asshats in my life has skyrocketed too.

Poker, a stressful, competitive, individual game often brings out the worst in people. Somtimes it digs up the very worst in... the very worst of... people.

I've spent hours at a time sharing the felt with people who, for one reason or another I truly cannot stand. More often than not that happenes either in casinos or in casino-like underground games.

Homegames are a lot better. In fact, the two most popular homegames in town are populated ONLY with people I actually DO like.

However, if you've played in any underground room then you know what I mean. How often have you sat at a table with someone that you'd never allow in your own home? Would you want your boss to see you in their company?

Does this attitude make me a snob? An elitist? Perhaps. I don't think so.

I still voluntarily sit with those people I don't like

Why?

Because they can do something for me. Because complete strangers pay me off. Because I can profit from them.

I wonder what that says about me?

The Online Jerks

Nothing brings out the jerk in a person like the chat window online. I've written about it before, but it always strikes me what authentic a-holes people become when they take a bad beat from a stranger on Stars.

I don't think I'll get over that. Are people at their worst online? Or does the anonymity of online poker just show people for what they really are?

So I Went To The Gym

Honestly, I can't imagine many things a person could say me that I would find more offensive than, "I'm a racist."

I've really struggled with what to do.

I really enjoy the time this neighbor and I have spent together but I can't possibly let him think I will tolerate that kind of talk. In fact, I don't just want him to stop talking that way, I want him to stop FEELING that way. Which is part of the reason I'm still joining him at the gym.

We didn't talk Thursday about what happened the day before. Then, as we left the gym, three black women walked in past us. I felt guilty for the person I was with.

Frankly, I don't know what to do.

And that, is why I've wasted this important poker blog space writing about it.

Splitting Time

Part of the problem is a lack of focus on my part. I've been interested in poker for years and have made an effort to improve... to take it "seriously." But poker is never the sole pursuit.

For example, I used to list poker and frolf as my hobbies. I got to be pretty good at frisbee golf, at least much better than Otis. Otis could then counter-argue that he's still much better at poker.

Then I tried dabbling with writing, running (this one was very short lived), and I'm thinking of giving Jai Alai a whirl.

Check this out:

"FORT PIERCE -- The start of the Jai Alai season may have been delayed three months because of renovations, but fans will find more than just a facility makeover when they visit the fronton.

The two-month Jai Alai season begins Friday in a 34-year old facility that received a $1.5 million upgrade. Included are changes to the facade, but more importantly, the addition of a poker card gaming area that should open later this month."

Yessir, The Vero Beach Press Journal reports that Florida Jai Alai establishments have now become "Poker & Jai Alai" joints.

I think it's a pretty natural connection.

Luckily, I'm so terrible at both that I'm still qualified to give the gentleman from Tennesee advice.

FIRST, it's not like our other "investments" really panned out either. I mean, all the company stock is worth the same amount now as it was when we bought it. It would be better off stashed beneath the mattress.

Granted, bedroll cash and bankroll cash usually intertwine. But I'm making a larger point.

I'M ADDICTED TO POKER

I'm not a trailblazer or anything and I know the "it's an illness I can't help it" defense is probably a tad overworn. Still, I've just been made aware of a new legal defense that will help make my point.

Check out this article from the Associated Press :

Woman hooked on video poker must repay $39,000
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Rhodes resigned in September after county officials discovered money missing from a petty-cash account. She pleaded guilty in February to theft charges.

See? Some people STEAL to finance an addiction. Not because they're bad people but because they're SICK! They're also sad. Luckily, I'm still a pretty happy guy.

Many a night I've made rich plans to spend our hard-earned money on elabourate family vacations. You know, we haven't gone to Times Square together, but I've PLANNED to go there. That should really count for something.

It's when that demon virus afflicts my soul that I'm forced by evil persuasion to spend our money instead on a drunken blogger binge on the Vegas Strip. What can I do but survive the disease?

Remember that odd withdrawl from Dragon-somethingorother-financial?

That was me.

Yeah, I know, I blamed that on evil idenity theives who probably hacked our account when you left your wallet in the car.

I reloaded my account on Poker Stars.

I lost that money the first time when a suckout cancer attacked me in the balls.

I've survived that and we will survive this.

I'm just hoping for a more lenient judge than that activist bastard in Portland.

I will do better, I SWEAR. In fact, I bet you $100 I can beat this gambling thing.

With love,

G-Rob

As I write this, I'm folding away in 3 Poker Stars SNGs. I can usually fold my way into the final four and then scrape a few bucks in the end. If I were a patient man I'd make good money this way.

A good SNG is like an easy contract job. It helps cover a shortfall when the bills are due.

As a rule, I don't win much but enough that whenever I sit down and fire 3 or 4 up I'll have a few extra dollars in the "Cashier" window.

If I were a reasonable man, I'd be very profitable at poker.

THE BLACK HOLE

Even now, while still folding in my SNGs, I'm drawn to that list of gigantic MTTs. I'm like a lottery junkie. Frankly, the odds of me actually winning an MTT are about the same as the lottery.

If you ask my friends, those I rope into watching me as I approach the big payout, they'll tell you I've developed a pretty standard tournament profile. It goes as follows:

1. Semi-patient I fold marginal hands for an hour.
2. My patience pays off and I build a decent stack the moment I catch a few cards.
3. I use the second hour and most of the third turning my stack and, now, more aggressive style.
4. The blinds escalate, I lose my cool.
5. I make a very stupid play and go from a massive final table stack to the bubble.
6. I curse out loud and close the laptop without bothering to log off.

Sometimes I'll notice the clock on my cable box is nearing the top of the hour and quickly log in to Stars to see if there's a good tournament coming up.

If the only tournament is well beyond what I can comfortably handle in my roll, I'll convince myself I'm playing well enough to win anyway and register.

If my roll is just a little shy, I'll boot up an SNG and build it up a little so I can play in one of the big boys an hour later.

Pathetic no?

By the way, I've jut won one of my SNGs and missed the money in the other two. Thus, I've made a very small amount of money.

It's 11:15 as I post this.

I'm looking for something to do until some nice big tournaments start again at noon.

2004 - I Join "Up For Poker"

I'm friends with Otis and Luckbox. They were going to Vegas for a big blogger gathering in December of '04. I wanted to play in their tournament and so I joined their blog. Oddly enough it was regular writing about poker that turned me from a casual player into a more serious enthusiast.

So it's fair to say I began my serious exploration of the game on or about that same time. It's is also fair to say that at about that time, I was a truly awful player.

2005 - I Start To Play More Often

By early in 2005 BadBlood and I had become much closer friends and we were playing together every other Thursday in something we half-jokingly called the "donkey game." It was more of the old kitchen table game... dealer's choice... lots of silly drawing games... more food and drinking than serious poker.

Meanwhile, Otis, Blood and I were talking more and more often about ways to refine our Texas Hold-Em game. First with a $30 max buyin game... that became a $50 max game... that by the end of the year was at $200 max. All three of us became regular winners both live and online (although I was always better live and Otis better online, Blood was good at both) and our play got even more serious by the day.

Then I my life changed and poker grew closer to the center of my life.

I went from working an early morning shift to working afternoons and weekends. I went from having one day a week to play cards... to now four and five days a week. I took advantage and my game started to grow.

I went to blogger gatherings in the summer and in December again. By December I could sit at any table in any casino and feel confident I was about to win big. For what it's worth, I did.

2006 - My Summer Of Love: We Discover The "Underground"

By the early part of '06 I was now a regular at a place we called the "Spring Hotel." WE found it via TheMark who took Otis there after a homegame at his place. Soon we were all hitting the place on Wednesday or Friday nights. Actually, I usually went on both.

I became so confident in my skills and my ability to read my opponents that I started playing with optimal aggession. I'd make a read and act. Simple as that. If I knew you were weak I'd dump a stack in the pot. Power Poker BABY. It worked better than I had any right to expect.

By the middle of the summer Otis was using this poker blog to discuss whether or not I was singlehandedly destroying the G-Vegas poker scene. I took 5 or more buyins on almost every session. I could fall behind by 5, 6, or 7 buyins and never bat an eye because I KNEW I'd have it back by the end of the night.

It was that summer when BadBlood and I hit the MGM Grand so hard that for the next month we both agreed (Seriously agreed as if there was no doubt in the world) that we could turn pro and play for a living anytime we made the decision.

That's when I was my best at poker. I was my most confident. In the summer of 2006 I would have never taken Rick's deal.

2007 - My Work Takes Me Away From The Felt.

I came back to the moring shift. I said goodbye to the "Underground." This was made easier by the fact that 2 of my favorite games were robbed at gunpoint and another was busted by the local Sheriff's Office.

My bankroll, which was swollen with success the year before, was starting to atrophy. I spent it. I bought stuff. We took trips. I thought a lot less about cards and found other ways to enjoy time with friends.

For a while, I convinced myself I didn't miss the game. I took it less seriously. I got worse at it too.

I started to lose. I started to doubt my ability. I started to think about my bankroll during important hands. I started to feel the fear.

2008 - I'm A Coward But At Least I'm Trying To Learn

I played at BadBlood's New Year's Tournament. I played too tight and got chipped down until I lost a big race and went home.

I played in New Orleans during CJ's bachelor party. I did well but only because the other players were obviously horrible and I KNEW I was better than them. I played with confidence and it worked.

Then, Monday, I played at Rick's. The players, most of them, were good. I knew they were better than me. I knew from the moment I sat down I'd need to catch cards to win.

That's where I was when Rick proposed the deal.

I knew I'd lose.

He was a 2-1 dog and I still was AFRAID to lose a stack I felt I'd been lucky to win thus far. Of course, that meant if I didn't lose it there, I'd lose it soon after.

I took the deal and chickened out.

It was dumb and my good friends were almost embarrased for me. I know BadBlood was.

That's where I am today.

I'm more experienced than ever, and I'm worse than I've ever been.

Welcome to 2004.

What I hope I've learned is to spend more time in study before and after the game. Again, I don't think it's a coincidence that just when I stopped WRITING about poker I stopped playing well. It's also important that I have regular time set aside for a game. We're trying to bring back a regular Friday night game... just among friends. The stakes don't matter. I just need to feel the cards in my hands.

When BadBlood asked me why I made the deal, he asked if I'd have done the same thing two years before. I said no. I also said, "I was better at poker then."

I have to get the swagger back.

And... For what it's worth... the river... was Kc.

I would have lost.

This information courtesy a local TV Station in South Carolina:

"EXOTIC DANCERS IN SOUTH CAROLINA MAY HAVE TO PUT A BIT MORE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THEIR CUSTOMERS. A BILL IN THE HOUSE WOULD REQUIRE THEY STAY SIX FEET FROM THEIR CUSTOMERS. THE MEASURE WOULD EFFECTIVELY BAN LAP DANCES AND REQUIRE STRIP CLUBS TO CLOSE AT MIDNIGHT. A SUBCOMMITTEE APPROVED THE IDEA LAST WEEK. BUT HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE MEMBERS EAGERLY SENT THE BILL TO A DIFFERENT SUBCOMMITTEE FOR FURTHER REVIEW."

For those who aren't aware the Blood "Procedure" is as follows:

Drink with friends at bar.
Go to "Gentlemen's Club."
Play Poker.

Methinks losing the middle step will be disasterous. Only time will tell.

DON'T GET ALL SMUG THOUGH... BECAUSE THIS IS STILL A COMPETITIVE POKER BLOG

It's like Kentucky basketball, we got worse but it's OK because so did the rest of our conference.

To wit, a summary of my fellow bloggers this 2008:

BADBLOOD ON POKER

1. I get sick to my stomach
2. I feel my children are above-average
3. I am still sick
4. I still have a variety of luck which sometimes alters the expected results of a poker hand.
5. I threw up recently.

Badblood is a great read for gastroenterologists. He also goes to the gym and lifts weights. This blog don't post much but, good God, at least we aren't puking!

GUINNESS AND POKER

Iggy copied and pasted Otis' latest obsession. On first blink I don't much mind as, again, I find Obama facinating too. But with the change in focus, isn't there a Brandi Hawbaker story that isn't getting told?

Plus, it's been some time since I made a deposit on Party Poker

"Party Poker Bonus Code IGGY for a $100 online poker deposit bonus!"

The above was, in fact, copied and pasted!

DEAD MONEY = SIR AL CAN'T HANG

If Al ever drinks himself to death in a grotesque "Leaving Las Vegas" fashion, I'm prepared to step in right away. Here's my first post:

MY WEEKEND FACED UNEXPECTED CHALLENGES

"I was prepared to have a nice bacon sandwich and watch a mindless soccer match when my plans fell apart. The weather forecast called for a mild wind from the NW but it was gusting far stronger than that and it was clearly blowing from the SOUTH. ASSHOLE WEATHER PEOPLE!!!

I went to a local bar and had many drinks of alcohol. We had an entertaining time.

I played in an online poker tournament.

Waffles is stupid!

Here are some boobie pics..."

GAMBLING BLUES

Here's what I don't get, why would you have the online name "Boy Genius" and then NOT allow people to call you "Boy Genius" or by the initials "BG"?

What's the deal?

I don't stop people from calling me "HANDSOMEMWM33"

On the bright side, not-BG was the first person I know who posted that you tube video of Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon, so at least he's trying.

MAIGREY AND CHILLY

Dear Maigrey,

"20:59 Mmmm homemade cookies and organic milk #" is not a blog post.

The same goes for you Chilly.

I work in super-mega-famousland and have encountered ACTUAL stalkers. I'm not sure why you folks WANT a stalker so badly but if all this twitter update stuff has taught me anything it's that I never want to stalk anyone.

Most people do a lot of really boring stuff most of the time.

THE DEAD

Perhaps most important about this blog and, admittedly, those above is that they still exist. Here's a quick list of the blogs in our blogroll that have gone to hell in a handbasket. If CJ still worked here he'd clean them out!

Felicia Lee
The Cards Speak
A Fool and His Money

And so on and so on and so on

Still love y'all. I have the flu. Forgive me my trespasses.

As they say:

"The trolls. they will always be with us." - Iggy (Copied and Pasted from non-BG)

Thursday January 24th

I promised BadBlood I'd pick him up at 8:30. It's no small point of pride that I got there at EXACLY that time. We made it to Hartsfield-Jackson in plenty of time. I parked in row 23B (which will become crucially important in a few days) and we met Uncle Ted at "Chilis Too" for some late morning beer. Then we boarded a flight for New Orleans.

Aside: I'm 6 foot 5 and about 280 pounds. There are no airline seats that accomodate a man this size. What the hell? I understand your average airline is trying to pack as many douchebags in coach as they possibly can but I think we've crossed the threshold of "possible." I don't fit. I'm now well aware of something called "Deep vein thrombosis." I don't want that. It killed David Bloom.

Reason number 1,546 that it's always easier to travel with Uncle Ted: We caught a shuttle to the Avis lot where some miserable guy in a rain jacket was standing beside the open trunk of our Pontiac. Evidently, Ted is some super 9-Star Gold Travel Avis guy. It kinda kicked ass. It saved 6 minutes on the trip to Harrah's in New Orleans.

Once at Harrah's I got a seat at the $1/$2NL table. Badblood, CJ, and Otis were at tables nearby but I was alone with the locals. Normally this means a table full of angry rocks... but this one was different. It was loose. Extremely loose. I had a field day. I doubled up in 20 minutes. Doubled again inside an hour and had turned $200 into $1400 in 150 minutes. Easy Peezy. I stood up because Uncle Ted looked bored and because I took a massive 3-outer beat that cut my profits in half.

I just wanted to have fun.

So we went to play blackjack... Uncle Ted, BG, Mrs. Otis and me. Mrs Otis just stood by and had beer while I bought $300 in red chips and my friends did about the same. I stood on 14 against a 9. I split 10s against an 8. I cashed out for about $1350. Both of my friends had a massive good time.

I should add. I also got extremely drunk.

So we went to dinner at Dickie Somethingorothers. I had a 12 oz. filet, medium-rare, with another half-dozen martinis. You know, it now occurs to me that I may have a mild drinking problem. But that's neither here nor there. Dinner was great.

Most of the rest of that night is a very silly blur. Let me recap it thusly:

11:00 - 2:00AM We went to the Tropical Isle and drank hand grenades. During that time some cover band played Heart songs while we spent $40 in quarters on the following.... Test your grip game (Otis, BadBlood and I tied. We are all SUPER MANLY), Love meter game (Otis, evidently, is a red hot lover and I'm a cold fish), Test your Memory game, (I did very well. Otis scored a 3), Measure your Urine game (There's an actual honest-to-god measure your urine game in the bathroom. CJ's brother Lefty claims to have Pee'd 22 oz. I'm impressed.), and most importantly the compare 2 pictures and find 5 differences game. We spent a LOT on that.

2:00AM to 5:00AM This time is lost to history. While looking back I'm now convinced that nothing at all happened. This is probably for the best.

5:00AM to 7ishAM Uncle Ted, Otis and I played "High-Roller" Pai Gow back at Harrah's. It's sad that in downtown New Orleans a minumum bet of $25 per hand is what passes for "High Roller". Naturally anyone who has played Pai Gow with Otis or me knows quite well that our minimum bet at that game is several times higher.

Then at 7 AM Uncle Ted and I dropped Otis off at his hotel and made our way back to the suite we were sharing with Lefty, CJ, BG, and Badblood. Naturally all the others were fast asleep when we got back. BadBlood was passed out on the foldout bed and the door to the bedroom was closed. Ted grabbed some cushions for a bed on the floor while I went to the front desk looking for pillows.

They were out of pillows.

I shit you not.

The hotel was OUT OF PILLOWS.

I did not sleep that night. I did wake up early and watch the replay of the GOP debate the night before. Which leads me to this segue :

Grateful Dead Reunite (the not dead ones) to rally for Barack Obama

Friday January 25th

So at 11AM we were showered and ready for a drive. CJ and Lefty left first thing. Hell if I know where they went. BG, Ted, Badblood and I walked from the Bourbon Street hotel to the Harrah's garage for our car. I wore a short sleeve shirt because "How cold can New Orleans be?". It was very cold.

Here's my facorite part of that walk. We passed a homeless guy on a street corner with a lawn chair and and one of those bullhorns. BG asked "Is that like, being a homeless blogger?"

We spent the rest of the morning composing fake Otis twitter updates like, "Wagon wheels are detached. Eyeballs enclosed in glass." Really? He's a clever writer, but what the hell does that twitter stuff MEAN?

We drove from New Orleans to Lafayette in an apocalyptic rain stopping only for a mean at Denny's. I had the Lumberjack Slam.

We check into the Marriot and watch "Hardball" upstairs. Rehersal went well and rehersal dinner after that. I went to bed early that night.

Saturday January 26th

9AM I try to find the well-named "Tuxedo Shop" to get an entirely new outfit. The one I was given by CJ was incredbly small. I, on the other hand, am incredibly large. Most streets were closed for parade routes. Marti Gras and whatnot. It was difficult.

10:45AM Uncle Ted returns to the room from helping Mrs. Otis set up the reception hall

11:30AM We drive over to St. Mary's church for pictures and whatnot.

12:00pM Pictures. I looked awesome.

12:45pM We wager over who will end up tipping the bartender at the reception $100. I, again, lose $100.

1:00PM CJ gets married. Me, Otis, Uncle Ted, and Lefty also wear tuxedos.

2:00PM The reception doesn't start until 3 but we're already there. I intend to go ahead and get drunk and do exactly that.

3:00-8:00PM Wackiness ensues. We drink lots of tequilla while yelling "Familia!"

8:00-Midnight We go to a bar near the hotel called the "Pretty Pig" or the "Sweet Sow" or the "Purple Porker" or some kind of alliterative pig thing.

Midnight-3AM The bartender is closing the pig bar and says she and her friend always go to another bar across town. Otis and I ride with the bartender while Badblood, Ted, and BG ride with the "friend". I convince bartender that Otis is the son of the man who first turned the Nugat legume into a candy product. Otis fakes disgust that I'm implying that the only reason he's sucessful in the nugat game is because of his father.

Let me clarify. Otis is NOTHING in the nugat game without his father.

3AM We try to decide how to get from the rural hevay metal biker bar to the hotel. Eventually Ted realizes that the "friend" he rode over with is lesbian...and he feels he has some sort of homosexual connection. He cons her into giving all of us a ride back to the hotel.

I played a capped $1/$2NL game, won, and went to play blackjack with Ted and BG. Won huge and got drunk.

I went to a big fancy dinner and got drunk.

Then all of us went and got drunk.

Then nothing happened.

Nothing.

Then Otis, Ted and I hit Harrah's again for some late night Pai Gow.

I'm tured and hungry. I may take it easy tonight.

For the record, 24 hours from now, CJ will be a married man.

Before the debte on Thursday I had to swing by a Ron Paul rally. He's a nice enough guy with a rabid (I don't mean this as a metaphor, it's entirely possible Ron Paul supporters are rabid) base. I was there with my shooter, JB, and a few other TV crews. Because we were there a crowd formed. At least 10 people asked me "Who is Ron Paul?" We were there to see him and they were there to see us see him.

Politics is pretty stupid. Voters even moreso.

Last year, back before all he robberies and officer inrusions we had a jackpot at our homegame. We'd rake a $1 for each pot of $20 or more. It hits with a straight flush to the 10 or more. After the homegame fell apart (the guy HOLDING the jackpot money lost interest in homegames) we started looking for ways to divide the pot among ourselves. Clearly, the easy solution of simply dividing it 6 ways would never ACTUALLY happen. So we agreed to take the estimate $1200 and use it for a 6-way freeroll tournament.

Then, last week, I got an e-mail telling me I'd get my share ($44!) from BadBlood. That, to say the least, was somewhat surprising. Evidently, thejacpot was found to only contain about $800. Then SOME of the other 6 players spent $500 of THAT on booze and food for themselves. I got $44.

Poker is stupid. Poker players moreso.

I HAVE A CHANCE TO LEARN

After a year or two of convincing myself I was the single greatest poker player alive, I had a difficult summer with the game. I've played a lot less with my new work hours and the times I did play I didn't play very well. I think many of the other players caught up. That, or I stopped getting lucky.

It's worth noting that for a long time I did not get better. When I took up the game I remember BadBlood and Otis and I would have long talks about poker theory. I used to write big ol' posts about it here. Haven't done that in a while. I think I stopped thinking about strategy. I think I thought I knew it all.

Why would a consistent winner need to improve?

The Mark (Not that one!)

About 8 weeks ago I was on the set when our super-duper weatherman cam back to the desk and did that whole point and gawk thing. The issue, as it turns out, was a giant swollen hive on my cheek. In the center of said hive was what looked like a spider bite. I went back to the bathroom and applied a second layer of Cover Girl hoping that would fix the problem.

On the bright side, it didn't hurt.

About 2 weeks later my boss pointed to the same cheek. It was swollen again and that "spide bite" was bigger and darker. He and another friend at work suggested I see a doctor. I didn't. I did go home and apply some benadryl.

Then about 10 days ago my co-anchor became the third person to say, "That thing on your cheek is swellingup again!" It was.

This time I called my family doctor, Dr. Joe. He got me in that day. After a good many harrumphs, it turns out that my "spider bite" is, in his professional opinion, skin cancer.

That kinda bummed me out. He scheduled a visit to the dermatologist the next day, which was last Friday.

MEANWHILE

My sister was about to graduate from law school when she had to get a lump examined. The week after her finals they scheduled a biopsy. They'd remove the lump and check to see if any other work was needed.

My family, and I, were somewhat freaked out.

They scheduled the biopsy for this past Friday.

THURSDAY

While the job keeps me from most poker play ( I go to bed at 7:30PM) I couldn't resist a game at BadBlood's house. I knew I'd be tired. Frankly, I didn't care.

I only played 3 hours. I doubled through Otis with AJ against his JJ. I stacked Cardone and Backman. I had a friggin' blast. Not bad for the only guy who couldn't drink.

I left moments after telling Badblood about the biopsy the next day. I'd already told Otis.

It feels better to share that stuff with Friends.

I won three buyins by the way.

FRIDAY

My appointment was at 10AM. I saw more than one doctor. After some poking and scraping and much long discussion....I got another appointment. More importantly, while he isn't ruling it out, the dermoatologist thinks it PROBABLY isn't cancer. That's the kind of thing a man likes to hear.

I drove home happy like I haven't been in a while.

One year ago I was pretty sure I didn't have cancer and it didn't give me much joy.

Today I think I'm cancer free and it feels friggin' GREAT.

I came home and took a nap.

Later that same day the word from Kentucky...my sister's lump was safely removed. She's also cancer free.

How was YOUR Friday?!

I'm happier today because I was unhappy last week.

And, I think I'm getting better at poker.

Thursday

I took the day off. I could have gone to Las Vegas if I'd had the next day too, but the boss says this month is already too jam packed with Vacation. That means I had a random day to burn mid-week. I played poker online and met the kids at the bus stop.

This is my life.

Friday

While the bloggers had booze and poker, I had wine and cheese. Some neighbors with whom we're friendly had a "wine and cheese" party with us and about 30 people I don't know.

Friends, I love a good party and I do like a glass of wine. I do not like answering the question "aren't you that guy from TV?" 100 or more times in a single evening.

For people who might meet me in the future after seeing me at work here are the answers to all the questions you might ask at a wine and cheese party :

1. Yup, I'm pretty tall. TV makes us all look the same size.

2. I was just born that way.

3. Covergirl natural beige. Sometimes I go to the gym after forgetting to wash it off so my towel looks filthy.

4. I'm comfortable with the fact that I wear "CoverGirl" makeup.

5. She's nice.

6. Yes, my co-anchor is single.

7. She's single too. Also, way out of your league.

8. You get used to waking up early.

9. No, I don't do sports.

10. Yes, (your team) sure is good.

11. Hairspray.

12. I gave up on gel. It looked too greasy.

13. This IS my real voice.

14. No, I've never met Brian Williams

15. I don't care.

Anyway, that's the wine and cheese party.

Saturday

Another night, another party. This time for some professional association that my wife has contact with though selling whatever it is she sells.

I was forced to go with the following instructions, "Be Charming. I need these people to like us!"

Good TIMES!

We met at a local steakhouse at 6. The others were already there. Soon we were ushered into the banquet area at the place where we'd fill two very long tables. I sat across from the only member of this professional association who ALSO made her spouse attend. He was 73, retired military, and says his only interests are golf and listening to news talk radio.

We talked about golf.

90 minutes later we had Prime Rib.

2 hours after that I snuk to the bar for a second martini.

That's how I party.

Sunday

At 9AM my wife's friend (Nicknamed "TWWNL" I'll tell you sometime what that's for) comes over for a walk with my wife.

She lives up to the acronym.

I escape upstairs to watch football and play online cards. I did well in a few MTTs but it was less fun with Otis out of town. Don't ask me why but I get great pleasure from sending IM messages that simply say :

"12/488 Average Stack. I have QQ in the BB"

Such are the simple pleasures of my life.

IN TOTAL

Isn't G-Rob living a sorry life?

This is the way things are. I do have a big casino adventure planned in January....and something even more awesome planned with Otis and Dr. Pauly in March.

So there's that.

God bless us....every one.

Here's the damage done by the first seven picks in our big and very old fantasy football league :

1. Tomlinson (decent year, but not as dominant as before)
2. S. Jackson (meh)
3. F. Gore (meh)
4. L. Johnson (out)
5. J Addai (worthwhile)
6. Rudi Johnson (My Pick and worthless)
7. S Alexander (Otis..later traded to me. Worthless)

I got Adrian Peterson in the 4th. That WAS working out pretty well. Last week I had to depend on Maurice Morris. Who the hell is Maurice Morris? My team is 7-3-1.

I played at a friend's house a week or two ago. I lost $400. Once I ran KK into AA postflop. He got all creative like. The other time I just played like a fool.

I had worked out a trip to Vegas for the blogger gathering. I was planning to book the flight Monday, and asked the boss that morning. He said I could have that Thursday but not the Friday. That seemed kinda pointless but utterly typical.

I downloaded the "In Rainbows" album by Radiohead last week. For those who don't know, the band put it on their site and allowed the fans to decide what it was worth. Pay whatever you want or pay nothing. I've seen estimates about these fans and what they're up to. A good many just took it for free. I spend a good long while hating those "fans".

Then I downloaded the album to my laptop. For Free. I couldn't find my wallet at the time. I do, for what it's worth, feel pretty bad about it.

Actually, I can't find my wallet right now.

I kinda like my job again. I have a new co-anchor with a good sense of humor. I still don't see myself being a TV guy for the rest of my life. Anyone hiring in PeeArrr?

I have a bunch of those $75 dollar tokens on Full Tilt and now I regret acquiring them. I never play in $75 tournaments.

I miss Vegas. The next big trip for me will be CJs wedding. I'm really looking foreward to that. They have a casino. My best friends will all be there. I plan to get drunk. I plan to get historically....even legendarily drunk. I have a history in New Orleans.

I like the TV show "Weeds". I just watched the season finale. That woman is attractive.

I have to go now, to my daughter's end of season soccer banquet.

She'll get a trophy.

We all deserve a trophy.

UNDERGROUND

The underground collapsed. The last big bust was at the Gaelic game. I wasn't there, none of us were, but it was enough to chill the whole scene. Evidently some of the deputies that night made some very specific, and accurate, refences to other rooms around town. Those games have been closed ever since.

Remember the robbery at the Black Stallion game? That was really the first blow. It pulled back the curtain on what we were really caught up in revealing something we knew but refused to admit. The underground games are shady and the straight flush jackpot is only a fraction of what any would be robber would have to gain.

Not long after than our friend Eddie the dealer said he wished he'd had his own gun during the holdup. That kind of wild west atmosphere was a gigantic turnoff for me.

I know underground poker still exists here but the "scene" such that it was, is dead. I won't be back. I can say the same for Otis and Badblood. Something we used to enjoy as much as 5 times a week is now reduced to ZERO.

ONLINE

Honestly, I think this is more troubling. One thing I can say about the underground games, I never played in any, in G-Vegas, where I didn't think the game was on the level. The same can no longer be said of online poker.

By far the most troubling example was what happened at Absolute Poker. The short lesson here is remove your money from that site immediately. It's as if every wacky online conspiracy theory, the ones we've always dismissed out of hand, played out in real life.

From what I've gathered through second- and third- hand accounts, an player there, someone working from INSIDE the site, was able to play there while ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS were playing with their cards FACE UP!

Other players grew suspicious when that inside player started folding hands he should have played (but would have lost) and playing and winning with odd holdings. It's impossible to bluff someone who can see your hand. The site is "investigating" the matter. I say it's freaking terrifying and, clearly, we'll nver be able to laugh off those morons who type "rigged" in the chat box again.

In this case, Absolute Poker WAS rigged.

The other incident happend at Poker Stars and was better handled by the site. A player who won a MASSIVE first place payout in the WCOOP was using multiple accounts during that event. At least, that's how it appears. There WERE two accounts logged into the same tournament. One of them was the known account of a poker pro, the other belonged to his "sister".

Stars took back the payout and redistributed the winnings. Still, this is far from being the only incident in which someone has been caught multi-accounting a big game.

Zeee-Justin anyone?

As much as the risk of getting robbed or busted raises the risk of underground poker, putting money onto an offshore and online game that can be so easily cheated and insecure is just plain STUPID.

Why not mail me a check instead?

Furthermore, while federal law has not had any impact as far as established online players getting hands at the table, it HAS restricted the flow of fresh fish. There are now more rocks than dollars. It is now much harder to beat the rake.

ME

Lately I've been too busy even for the little homegames that have popped up in town. I play in a drunken kickball league with some friends from work on Fridays. On Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday my daughter has soccer. On Monday that daughter has piano. On Thursday the other child has violin. Both of them have gymnastics on Friday.

Last weekend I went camping with most of my closest friends. This weekend the wife and I are vacationing in San Francisco.

I have a new boss at work and the big ratings sweep begins in a week.

I have a lot of things to do OTHER than poker. I've been on a rather extended break. It isn't permanant but I've enjoyed it.

About 2 weeks ago I played in 2 little SNGS on Stars. In both I folded away, playing decent SNG strategy, and got to about 4 or 5 remaining. In both cases I caught my first big hand, played my first flop, and exited the game.

I cursed.

My wife said, "Why do you play if you don't enjoy it?"

For the first time since my first flop, I didn't know the answer.

I've been pretty bummed about the whole poker thing of late. Clearly we all are given the lack of posts. There is a sudden dearth of poker here as if a single bust sucked an entire scene into non-existence.

Obvously, people still play, but the stakes have changed. They are at once higher and lower.

Anyway, I'm working on a better post, but in the meantime here's another favorite tune..

If I had a gun for every ace I have drawn,
I could arm a town the size of abilene
Dont you push me baby,
Cause Im all alone and you know Im only in it for the gold

Everybody prayin and drinkin that wine
I can tell the queen of diamonds by the way she shines
Come to daddy on the inside straight,
Well I got no chance of losin this time.

I could lose my job if I'm busted in a bust. That doesn't stop me from playing but it stops me from playing quite as much.

That said, I met a state trooper at the gym last week who says he heard I play poker and wanted to know if I wanted to join his weekly game. Um....no.

Meanwhile, last weekend, I drafted my fantasy football team. League membership is $50 with a cost for every transaction. The stakes are small but I think it's still illegal. I'll have to ask my boss. He's in the same league.

I'll have to ask him before next Tuesday. I'm taking that morning off because I plan to stay up late the night before, and probably drink too much, because the Bengals are on Monday Night Football. The local paper says the Bengals are giving 2.5 points to the Ravens. I'd put that information to use (and the fact that the Ravens are 1-4 in their last 5 vs. the Bengals against the spread) if it wasn't illegal to do so.

Speaking of the NFL, ever wonder if anyone would give a shit about the league if it wasn't for gambling and fantasy sports (which is a form of the same)?

So here's your project this morning (or whenever the hell you read this)....please use our comment space to contribute a gambing CONTRADICTION. Something that is so inherently silly that it's, well, inherently silly. Something as silly as me trying to spell inherent.

Please...fire away....

TURNS OUT there is a class action lawsuit against the makers of ReQuip. Check this out:

"2005 Mayo Clinic Report
In a July 2005 report published in the Archives of Neurology, Mayo Clinic researchers documented behavior that supported earlier observations linking dopamine agonist drugs with gambling addiction and compulsive behaviors. The report detailed 11 Parkinson's patients who developed gambling problems while taking Mirapex or similar drugs between 2002 and 2004. Doctors have since identified 14 additional Mayo Clinic patients with the problem."

Just thought you folks would find that interesting.

In fact, here's the warning from the official ReQuip website:

"Some patients taking repinirole (ReQuip) have shown urges to behave in a way unusual for them. Examples of this are an unusual urge to gamble or increased sexual urges... Hallucinations have been reported in people taking Reuip"

So, you'll chase a flush... that isn't there... and you may molest the guy next to you... but at least your legs won't twitch while you sleep.

Which is nice...

DOPES

Back in college I had a lot of friends who smoked pot. For the purposes of this public forum we'll assume that I never joined them. That said, most of these folks approached their federally controlled substance with the same cavalier attitude as our undergroud gamblers.

For most, it began as something top secret, something so hush hush, in high school. Parents would have been mortified and with teachers and coaches, not to mention police, all hovering in the periphery there was always a danger. Maybe the danger was part of the attraction.

Before long the drugs became more casual. Pot smokers surround themselves with pot smokers. It becomes an insulated culture. So insulated that they hardly know any friends who don't smoke dope. I remember clearly those friends who would say, "everyone gets high," and they'd say it with conviction.

Clearly, of course, everyone does NOT get high. Still, within a few years the same kids who were sneaking a single joint by their parents are puffing cigar shaped spliffs behind the wheel of a car loaded with a half pound of grass. As one danger grows more comfortable, and thus is negated, they push the limit further.

BACK IN THE DAY

The first time Otis and I played at TheMark's house we caught a sorta edgy vibe. We'd brought 8 beers in a 12 pack we'd just opened and got there before anyone else, even before the host. So back behind Mark's place we met the tennants who live in the apartments he lets out. They were....odd. Nothing wrong with them really, just odd.

Otis and I had an emergency code word for when we knew it was time to bail. We figured any mention of our friend "Jerry" was clue enough to hit the road. Within five minutes, one of us asked the other, "So, I wonder how Jerry is tonight?"

I think we meant it as a nervous inside joke. The intent is lost to time.

Later Otis began repeating another nervous joke every time he grew uncomfortable, "Why don't you just take me out back and stab me?"

Again, I THINK it was a joke.

Of course, I now consider TheMark a friend, and only occasionally think he's planning to stab me.

RAISING THE STAKES

At one point, early this year before mky work schedule changed, I'd play as many as 5 times a week. The Spring Hotel, The Gaelic Game, The Black Stallion, and The Depot as familiar to me as rooms in my own home.

Here's what I take :

$500 - $1000
iPod
Super Awesome Cool Shades
Wingman
Credibility
Ability to support my Family
My Good Name

I remember when I first went to the Spring Hotel, I was jumpy about police. I realize how silly that is, but every time someone came in through that back door I wondered if it was time for a ticket. Granted, it's just a citation, but it would also mean I'd lose my job.

Believe it or not, a good poker bust could put me out of work.

Over time, I stopped worrying. I remember getting these mass e-mails about the Gaelic game's big Saturday tournaments and thinking "That's nuts...they'll get busted!!"

Not long after that I was a regular at the tables.

One night, at the Gaelic game, Otis cornered me as I walked in. "I think that guy is a deputy," he said. I freaked out.

Turns out the guy was a FORMER deputy. But I still as a little tense. So much at stake and all.

I think the robbery fear really popped up a few weeks ago. One of the local games flirted with the idea of mixing a $25/$50NL game in with the other tables one night. I thought it was a terrible idea. With a MINIMUM allowed buying of $5000 that means a MINIMUM of $50,000 in untraceable, unreported, and unguarded money at a full table. What crook wouldn't want a piece? Plus, remember the victims almost certainly won't report the crime.

Luckily, the host of that game thought better of the very high stakes game. That was about a week before the armed robbery at the Black Stallion game.

Also lucky, everyone at the Black Stallion game made it out ok, if a little lighter in the wallet.

Still, I was particularly taken aback by this part of Eddie's post :

"Make no mistake dear readers, I am very pro-gun. I believe in freedom. I believe in what this country was founded on and I believe in our right to defend ourselves, our families, our friends, and any other innocent person who's life might be in danger. Had Queen not been in the picture last night I may have reacted differently. If she wasn't there and I had been armed, I'm pretty sure I would have acted differently"

I think Eddie is a smart guy. But my sigle biggest fear is not a police bust and not a robbery, it's a guy pointing a gun at a robber with a gun.

I can't handle that risk.

I think if I've learned anything from poker it's the right time to call and the right time to fold.

What are the odds of a bust or robbery?

Check the EV.

If I expect to make, say, $300 from a typical underground $1/$2NL game...and my earnings as a media type in the next year are X....do the odds match up?

I don't know. I'm just not sure.

I'm taking a break, for now, from underground games...while I think it over.

And, for the first time in a long time, I appreciate the risk.

THAT AFTERNOON

Evidently, and much to my later surprise, two people were bitten by sharks that day. It happened on the same beach where my family and I were jumping the waves although we didn't notice a thing. I will admit that after I found out I was the genius who thought it wise to MENTION the attacks to my 6 year old daughter. I did this because I'm not smart.

Even the next morning, with "SHARK ATTACK" the fancy bumper graphic on the morning news and "Two bitten by Sharks" the slightly less sensational headline in the local rag everyone was abuzz. Oddly, they talked about it as they bounded back into the ocean.

So while my parents and wife and kids became bait for tabliod news, I took a walk along the beach heading north to the very tip of our island... the Isle of Palms.

THE BEACH

Random elevator doomsayer was right about the beach. At the tip of the island there was almost nothing left. Flatbed trucks drove along the remaining strip to deliver massive sandbags that were then forklifted into barriers. In theory, they'd protect the million dollar homes. As I walked, I could see the tops of the bags they placed last year, or perhaps earlier THIS YEAR, buried by erosion.

I stopped a guy, he was probably in his early 50s, a black guy with white hair and a plain white T-shirt tight enought to be a tourniquet around both arms. He said he'd been working for the same company for the past 18 years. He'd been putting bags of sand here for 16.

"Does it work?" I asked.

"Does it LOOK like it works?" he non-answered.

"So why bother?"

"I got to work," he said and put the matter to rest.

Just beyond that flatbed truck there was a walkway, down from one of the hotels, that had been almost entirely washed away by the tide. At the end there was a good 3 or 4 foot jump to the sandbags below. No beach... just bags.

I saw a family, staying in that hotel, climb down that walkway and plop their chairs between the bags.

Welcome to the beach.

THE NEW YORKER

As I turned back toward my family I saw this guy with madras shorts and a Yankees t-shirt chomping on a cigar. He had a cheap frisbee (as a former frolfer I've become a bit of a frisbee snob) in his hand. Now, this day on the beach was blessed not only with scorching heat, but a steady, howling 25 mile-per-hour wind. Nobody, I mean NOBODY could possibly throw a frisbee in this weather. This man was no exception.

Nevertheless, this tobacco chomper sent his daughter down the bech to catch his toss. I saw him make 5 attempts. Each one went immediatly backwards, darting past him the second it left his hand. When I walked away, he was chasing the disc into the sea.

YOU'RE WONDERING... what this has to do with poker? I'm getting to that.

THE MOM

Not far from frisbee man, there was a row of about 5 chairs. In the first there was a mom with a copy of the day's paper. She was reading the story of the shark bites aloud to her family. I stopped to listen for a bit because, at the time, I hadn't read the report. Turns out, I was the ONLY person listening. One glance at the kids next to her would make it clear they had no interest. Two of them had their iPods on. The rest made no secret about their disdain for their mother's tale. Then, as I walked past it was obvious why. The wind was so loud that they almost certainly COULDN'T hear what she was yakking about downwind. Her words were lost the second she spoke them.

Not that she cared. I saw her lips flapping in the wind long after I lost the ability to hear.

SO?

So what do these people have in common?

Each is confronted with the awesome power of nature and was left totally unimpressed. Perhaps, uninterested. There were beachgoers who DECIDED to enjoy the beach whether it was objectively ENJOYABLE or not.

The weather is too windy for frisbee? Perhaps if I throw harder.
My kids don't care? Perhaps if I keep reading.
The sand doesn't work? But I'm not paid to ask questions.

I wonder how often my own thinking has been crippled by these blinders. I wonder how often I've made bad decisions, at poker and more, because of the mindset I brought to the table.

I wonder if I'm screaming into the wind.

I'm wondering these questions now because I totally ignored them then.

I took off my WSOP souvenier T-Shirt and went swimming with the sharks.

(Edited to add gratuitous mention : BadBlood)

The truth, comment spammer, is I hate you very much.

Now, don't get me wrong, I need the encouragement you offer with fine comments like, "Great site!" or "Nice Post!" or my personal favorite, "This is a fine post please see my site for great prices on Rogaine!!"

Really, who doesn't like a pat on the ol' back?

Still, I don't need your drugs.

I need people who actually care about poker or, barring that, care about useless rambling from the guy who simply puts posts on the web while waiting for another Otis update.

At the very least, I look at your site clogging garbage as a sort of online bad beat.

Even the very best of us get tired of that.

In short, comment spammer, Go fuck yourself.

I DID play a little low-stakes poker on the Blood family's kitchen table this weekend. Naturally, I lost. Still, as much as I've grown to like the underground games, it's nice to just drink and laugh and not have much cash in play. I beat Random101 with a straight flush against his full house. I doubled up Mrs. Blood and Uncle Ted at least once each.

Blah... blah... actual poker... blah.

On the plus side, I had a martini and a steinfull of shirazz. I love me a tasty buzz.

ANOTHER DREAM THAT IS TOTALLY UNRELATED (I THINK)

I have this one dream pretty much all the time. I think it may be a confession of some sort of mental instability to admit it but I have the dream SO often I often wake up thinking the dream is real.

I dream I have a very large house. That much is always the same. The house itself is usually different but it always seems familiar in that dream-way.

The key thing is I always have at least one or two more rooms than I can possibly use. While the rest of the house is fully furnished, those rooms are completely empty. Sometimes it's a patio room and sometimes it's the den. I always, at some point in the dream, regret having all this space I don't need and later I make a committment to find a USE for the space.

Eventually I'll become SO fond of the new, formerly bare, room that I'll then neglect some other part of the house. Then I'm back to wishing I didn't have so much goddamned space.

Again, I have that dream so often that I frequently wake up unsure of what house I'm in. I have it so often that as soon as the dream begins I recognize where it's headed. That familiarity doesn't make the dream seem less real, quite the opposite in fact.

Pretty damn wierd I think.

Playing poker Online

Back to that first dream. I've been playing a LOT of online poker lately with what I'll call mixed results.

I've made the money in a MTT pretty much every day for a week or 10 days. There is some measure of luck to make that happen, but I'm very happy with my play... up to a point.

The problem is I have no endgame. I can't seem to finish the deal. I get to the money and fall apart.

Check this out:
Date: Buyin Type Finished/Registered Payout

8/5/2007 $24 NL Hold'em 63/1097 $60.55

8/3/2007 $10 NL Hold'em 69/2367 $47.35

8/2/2007 $20 NL Hold'em 32/227 $45.40

8/1/2007 $20 NL Hold'em 18/180 $43.20

8/1/2007 $5 NL Hold'em 126/2027 $14.19

7/31/2007 $15 Razz 3/24 $72.00

7/30/2007 $20 NL Hold'em 16/180 $43.20

7/29/2007 $8 NL Hold'em+Rebuys 28/1106 $106.52

7/27/2007 $10 NL Hold'em+Rebuys 21/558 $75.54

Otis even warned me not to fall apart as I was killing a $24+$2 on Tilt last night.

I did it anyway. I think I made a $45 profit. Whooop di Do.

Keep dreaming I guess.